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Issue 45
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In this issue ~~
* Inner Resistance
* Creative Tip
* Wise Words
* Bookshelf
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Inner
Resistance
In the course of our busy lives, even though we may enjoy
what we're doing, there come times when some part of us wants
to put on the brakes. We suddenly feel sulky and resistant and
don't want to do what we feel needs to be done. We may keep trying
to force ourselves, but it becomes an inner tug-of-war. Even
though we may complete our tasks, we resent that we had to make
ourselves do them, much the way our parents and teachers forced
us to do things when we were children.
This inner resistance most commonly occurs when you're physically,
mentally and/or emotionally tired because 1) you don't like what
you're doing and continually force yourself, or 2) you like what
you're doing, but tend to overschedule yourself. You cruise along
for awhile, pushing yourself through, perhaps thriving on the
adrenaline rush and feeling a sense of accomplishment, until
you feel like you've hit a wall and just can't go another step.
You feel trapped by your own life.
I've come to call the parts of myself that emerge at such
times my Inner Brat and Inner Rebel. The Inner Brat is whiny
and sullen and wants to kick and scream. The Outer Me may even
take on her characteristics and become cranky and complaining,
perhaps procrastinating and dawdling with unimportant tasks.
The Inner Rebel, on the other hand, digs her heels in and refuses
to go another step. I may feel angry and resentful, finding ways
to avoid what I've set out to do or doing them grudgingly.
One way to deal with the Inner Brat or Rebel, initially, is
to give in to them. Throw yourself a "pity party."
Allow yourself to kick and scream and complain – for a brief
time; you don't want this to become a habit. Give yourself time
to do the thing you've been dying to do, but putting off because
of all the "more responsible" things you have to do.
Take a day, or a week, and totally indulge yourself. If you fall
into category 2 above, you'll then be able to go back to your
work and do it with renewed passion.
If the Inner Brat or Rebel tends to show up fairly regularly,
though, it's a signal that you'll need to take stronger action,
reworking habits and patterns that aren't serving you.
~ Look at your schedule to see where you can cut back. Are
you taking on more than you can handle? Many creative people
have so many passions and ambitions that we find it difficult
to fit them all in, and we end up including too much in our lives.
We love what we're doing, but may reach a point where the pressure
of getting it all in takes away our pleasure. Better to select
what's most important to you now and hold the rest for the future
or let some of it go.
~ Take a look at the tasks you need to do. Consciously choose
that you will do them (or not). Own and take responsibility for
your choices. This is important! As children, we're told what
to do, and we may carry a pattern of resentment into our adult
lives. But as an adult, even with a "have to" like
filing your taxes, you always have a choice, albeit one with
undesirable consequences. When you actively make your own choices
and own them, you take yourself out of the victim role and disarm
the Inner Brat.
~ Once you've narrowed down your choices, prioritize. What
needs to be done today? This week? This month? Someday? Prioritize
in terms of what's important to you, not just what's urgent.
Put lower or later priorities on the back burner, so they're
not drawing on your energy every day. Assign certain days or
times for particular activities on a weekly basis, so that you're
not spending time and energy agonizing over what you should be
doing, and you can just get to it.
~ Pace yourself, so you're not starting something too far
in advance or waiting till the last minute. On a horizontal calendar
(you can also do this on an Excel spreadsheet), make timelines
for the various projects you're working on, starting with each
due date and working backwards, or starting from today and working
forward, so you can see what truly needs to be handled at any
given time. Even though you may be nervous about a future project,
trust in your timeline to know when you really need to begin
working on it in earnest (you can always note ideas or do prep
work ahead of time).
~ Be sure to include down time and breaks in your schedule.
No matter how much you love your work, you need to have a balanced
life that includes time with friends, family, hobbies, self-care
and some couch potato time. Taking the time to restore will enable
you to accomplish your tasks more easily and quickly than suffering
through them exhausted.
~ Break your routine. Give yourself permission to take a day
off now and then to do whatever you want. Better to take a couple
of "well days" and enjoy them than to wait until you
push yourself so hard that you're forced to spend a miserable
week in bed. If you can, occasionally switch your work days,
for example, taking off Thursday and Friday and catching up on
work over the weekend. Take vacations, even if you just stay
at home and read or pursue your hobbies. This is also a good
time to reflect and see what changes you might make to your life,
so you're not "hitting the wall" on a regular basis.
~ If your Inner Brat is the one who shows up, use techniques
on yourself that you might use on an actual child, such as "work
first, play later." Schedule something fun after a task
you're resisting, so you have an incentive to get the work done.
Find ways to give yourself choices, even if it's which task you'll
do first, to feel more in control.
~ The Inner Rebel is more like an angry teenager. Take the
time to sit quietly and hear what's making that part of you angry.
What can you do to remedy that?
~ If you hate what you're doing and all these remedies are
just band-aids, get some books or seek out a life or career coach
to help you design a life you enjoy.
Like the tides, our energies and emotions ebb and flow. There
are times when we're enthused and involved and times when we
need to back off a bit and renew. Allow for these, and find ways
to bring more balance into your daily life, so it doesn't swing
from one extreme to the other. It may be a challenge to let go
of old patterns, but it's worth the effort. You'll still accomplish
a lot and experience more pleasure in what you do.
Top
Creative
Tip
When you're feeling overwhelmed and resistant, stop. Put everything
you don't absolutely have to do in the next few hours (or better
yet, the next day or two) on hold. Screen your calls; let your
e-mail sit in the in-box. Do something that calms and nurtures
your spirit: take a walk or a drive, exercise, read, see an uplifting
movie, listen to soft music. Once you're calmed and centered,
you'll be able to determine your priorities more clearly than
when you're in the midst of mental and emotional clutter.
Wise
Words
"Sometimes we feel so worn down by our spirit-breaking,
daily grind . . . that we lack the energy and hope needed to
reach our goals. The creative process makes demands on us. In
and of itself, it can trigger anxiety, conflict, chronic fatigue,
and even intense resistance (what I've called the Big R) – the
recoil, or withdrawal of energy from obligations. When apathy
or restlessness undercut our plans, the Big R is usually lurking
close by."
~ Marsha Sinetar, "To Build the Life You Want, Create the Work You
Love"
"Abused patience turns to fury."
~ Thomas Fuller
"Priorities are not written in granite. They need to
be flexible and change as we do . . . It takes peace of mind
and clarity to recognize and reorder meaningful, personal priorities.
Maybe that is why so many of us procrastinate."
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
"To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy."
~ Hippocrates
Top
Bookshelf
(click on the book graphic to see a
description at Amazon.com)
 "Meditations for Living
in Balance: Daily Solutions for People Who Do Too Much"
. . . Anne Wilson Schaef, PhD
"The Dance: Moving to
the Rhythms of Your True Self" . . . Oriah Mountain Dreamer
"Living Your Best Life:
Work, Home, Balance, Destiny: Ten Strategies for Getting from
Where You Are to Where You're Meant to Be" . . . Laura Berman
Fortgang
"The Superman Complex:
Achieving the Balance That Leads to True Success" . . .
Max L. Carey
"Leverage Your Time:
Balance Your Life" . . . John Ingram Walker, MD
"Repacking Your Bags:
Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your Life" . . . Richard
J. Leider, David A. Shapiro
"The Path of Least Resistance:
Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life"
. . . Robert Fritz
Top
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© 2002 Sharon Good. All rights reserved.
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 Books
and tapes listed in the Bookshelf section of each newsletter
can be ordered from Amazon.com. To go to a specific book's page
on the Amazon site, click on the book or tape icon next to each
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